This post is a re-post of a blog I wrote two years ago.
For some reason, I feel led to post it again.
Sadly, forgiveness (true forgiveness) has always been a struggle of mine. I can “act” like everything is great while still holding resentment in my heart.
The Lord has brought me a long way, but I still have a long way to go. I am so thankful for God’s grace and forgiveness in my life! Boy, do I need it.
I have talked with so many friends lately who have asked me to pray for them because their marriage is in trouble. Some of these friends didn’t surprise me at all when they told me… others have completely shocked me. I have noticed two things in common in each of them. First, they feel like their marriage is the only one that has struggles. [not true] Second is the core problem of their marriage… UNFORGIVENESS. {Single people, stay with me.. this applies to EVERYONE!}
I can notice unforgiveness a mile away because it is one of my biggest struggles. For a brief time in my life, I was discipled by an amazing woman I barely knew. Her name was Mindy. Several of my friends had met with her so I got enough nerve up to call her one day to see if she would meet with me.
The time I spend with Mindy was the most difficult and most amazing time in my life. I was newly married and working for a boss I did not like. We had been meeting together for about two or three weeks… and Mindy revealed to me in a loving and very direct way… “Nicole, you have a problem with unforgiveness, and this is something we will have to deal with right away.”
You see, my parents divorced when I was five and I was raised by my dad. I felt abandoned by my mom and never truly forgave her. Not only did I not forgive her, Mindy revealed to me that this is something that I don’t do on a regular basis in my marriage or in my life.
Why am I talking about this now? Because FORGIVENESS is something we have to practice on a regular basis. We have to forgive almost minute to minute. My mom was here recently and I treated her terribly. Since I have had Kate my relationship with my mom had gotten worse (on my part.. NOTHING she has done). In my head, I think… how could she (my mom) leave her daughter (me)? (bringing back my unforgiveness)
I may be wrong, but I really think this is something that all people struggle with.. if we notice it or not.
Why forgive? First of all, for those who have put their faith in Jesus Christ, it is commanded and he has forgiven us of so much. With his forgiveness in my life, how can I not forgive others?
Second of all, unforgiveness breeds a very BITTER and very unhappy person. Do you know any of those people? You and I do not want to be one of them!
The obvious question is… how do I truly forgive someone?
Mindy gave me a copy of a chapter from CTO Ministries. It was the discipleship material she used. The chapter is titled: “The Christian: Called to Obedience.” It is about 8 pages long and this post is already too long, so I am not going to post it all. {If you would like a full copy, please comment with your e-mail address and I will e-mail you a copy.} VERY PRACTICAL HELP!
Here is an excerpt that I love:
It is necessary to forgive in the following situations:
A. When someone seeks your forgiveness, make the commitment to forgive and grant forgiveness immediately. (Luke 17:3-4)
B. When forgiveness has not been sought by the offender, in prayer say, “I forgive (name of offender) for (specific offense).” (Mark 11:25)
C. If there have been multiple offenses over an extended period of time, it is highlyrecommended that you pray, making the commitment to forgive in the presence of a witness. (Gal. 6:2)
- Make an individual list for each person who sinned against you (mother, father, spouse, child and other people)
- List specific ways that person sinned against you or hurt you. (BE SPECIFIC)
- Pray to forgive each specific offense individually, e.g. “I forgive my father for his drunkenness,” I forgive my father for not encouraging me or praising my efforts.” “I forgive my husband for…)”
- Tear up your list so you do not keep a “record of wrongs”. (1 Cor 13:5)
- Implement this process whenever you are having a difficult time forgiving an offender, after having made a commitment in private.
Another question that is often asked after one chooses to forgive is… How do I forget?
Forgetting is virtually impossible. This is where you have to daily make a commitment to forgive. We have to set our mind on other things (other than our self.. the real reason for unforgiveness). A couple verses to help you are: Rom. 12:2 and Phil. 4:8.
For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and
we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
I encourage you, friend:
forgive often and preferably immediately.
Much love,
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